Hate is Love
by blushingartist
Summary: A four-part poem set from Julia's point of view. Her explanation of her feelings towards Big Brother, Winston, the Party, and more, all from different times throughout the novel. Rated T.
1. Before, Part 1:let me explain

**A/N: Once again, this poem was originally written for my English class. Please review! Bonus points if you tell me your theory on what Julia's greatest fear was.**

**Warning: Small mention of sex. Don't like, don't read.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Obviously.**

**Hate is Love**

_Before, Part One: let me explain_

call me pretentious, but I do not hate the party.

I do not call for their downfall, fist raised righteously, blood boiling at the injustice.

I am not a hero, and will never care about the generations to come.

please let me explain.

I am the generation of the party- raised on their rules and regulations,

clubs and organizations.

I held the flag and wore the sash,

but inside me there was nothing, and I knew.

I knew that they were the ones who took what was supposed to be there,

took the things I had the right to feel,

my very soul.

and that first time, sixteen,

with a man who smelled of mothballs and books,

I stole a little bit back from them.

and the next time, just a little bit more.

now I live for it, that brief time when I am not numb as the rest of them are.

and so sex has become my religion, my worship, my personal rebellion.

the faces and names of the men are meaningless blurs,

linked only by The Name, big brother.

they all work for him, feed his lies to the world.

and yet, with but a few, sugar-sweet words,

they are just as devoutly mine.

I feed his lies too, of course.

I feed his lies and hold the flag and wear the sash, more than I ever have before,

the price required for my moments of living.

so you see, it is not hate that makes me take my sick revenge on the party.

I merely have the childish wish to be happy.

I merely want to enjoy my life.


	2. Before, Part 2: Him

**A/N: This section is still 'before,' but it focuses on Julia and Winston, and there relationship from the book. Please review!**

_Before, Part Two: Him_

I am not like Him.

Him, who is my all, the God of my religion.

I dare not say His name, even here, for I know as well as any that nowhere is safe.

when I first looked into His eyes, I saw myself peering back,

and that was all it took to feel it.

I suddenly remembered a word of my grandfather's,

love,

and knew that this was it.

but I am not like Him.

He does hate the party, hates them with an ardor strong as our love.

He wants to change the world, and I cannot help but be swept up in His current of passion,

until I find myself with Him in a strange house, with strange drink,

and a screen that can stop its incessant droning.

I smile as He promises away our lives and more,

sit calm as He agrees to death and worse.

but I will not let Him give me away, no-

if I am to die for this impossible dream, it will be in His arms.

it is only days later that the voice of death calls from behind the picture,

oranges and lemons,

and then comes a chopper, to chop off our heads.


	3. During

**A/N: Okay, this next part is pretty short, but hopefully you'll understand. Next section will be longer, I swear!**

_D__uring_

there is only something too painful to be pain,

something never light, yet never darkness.

they tell me Win- they tell me He has given them everything,

all I am and ever was.

and I find the numbness slowly taking over once more.


	4. After

**A/N: Final part of Hate is Love! Thanks for sticking with me! Please review…Big Brother will be watching!**

_After_

it is only now that I truly hate the Party.

before they were but a fly, a mild annoyance that could easily be swatted away.

but now they devour me, they are my all.

and I find hate is just as strong as love, and maybe stronger,

and maybe what I really feel is love.

and this doublethink makes me believe they are the same,

hate and love.

they both consume our lives, until we see nothing else.

perhaps I really hated Winston all that time, and merely could not tell the difference.

Winston- I can say the name now, for he is nothing.

I no longer need to protect him, no longer care who knows what he has done.

he is nothing.

yes. I must have been confused. I hated Winston, never loved him.

Big Brother has shown me the light,

and now the only lover who ever mattered is less than a fly to me.

I adore Big Brother for setting me free,

teaching me,

letting me see truth at last.


End file.
